Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Psychic or Psycho?

This has been a crazy week - & it's only Tuesday - & I've got a lot of work to do...but I wanted to stop in & pet the blog for a moment. It would probably get cranky if I didn't, & I don't want to deal with cranky blogs right now. Anyway, it's fiscal year end here at work (almost over, thankfully), & I have my annual abuse (aka review) later this afternoon, so I need some entertainment to give my brain a break.

Since I'm short on time & inspiration, I decided to look back at some stuff I've done before. I found a fun little thing to do, & when I did it again, it was the same as before, but funny as hell, nonetheless. So, let's play Google Psychic!

Rules of the game: Go to the Google website (do I really need to include a freakin' link?). Type in your first name followed by the word "needs" & hit the search button. It works best if you put quotes around your name & the word needs together.

Without further adieu, here's what Google thinks I need:

1. Claire needs a visit to the Bunny Planet. Why, yes - I think I do! I think the Bunny Planet is the perfect place to escape my current load of crap. I promise to leave the dogs at home, lest it become the Mangled & Bloody Bunny Carcass Planet...

2. Claire needs some tough love! Well, thank you, Google. But not today. And don't you judge me...

3. Claire needs booze to kiss. Hmmm... Kiss who? Doug? No, silly Google... You know, you simply must be more specific before you make me out to be an insecure, booze-guzzling slut.

4. Claire needs to make a big decision. Oh, not today, not today!

5. Claire needs to use something gimmicky like single handed firearms. Sounds like a plan, but why is that gimmicky? Oh, never mind. I really don't need to use firearms - that would only land me in the big house & I don't like gray & I don't do horizontal stripes. Gasp! I did, however, recently learn how to shoot a handgun, & it's very serious, so I wouldn't call that gimmicky.

6. Claire needs her back doors smashed in. Why? Is my house on fire? Or does Google just want to burglarize my home? After all, I do have some nice shit, & lots of booze so that I can kiss people. Google, you're making me paranoid.

7. Claire needs to shear all her sheep in a matter of days. I don't have any sheep...but Bella would love it if I did. Did you know that some people that have herding dogs actually buy land & sheep just for their dogs to practice on? Yup, there are actual competitions. Google, I think I need to figure out how those people got so much money & time on their hands in order to pursue such follies...

8. What Claire needs now isn't money, but the healing power of....geometry? Nothing healing about that... Geometry class was right after lunch, so it's not hard to figure out why I didn't do well in that class. Oh, & Google? I do need money - I need to buy land & sheep for Bella.

9. Claire needs a new home due to increased problems with our allergies. I'll bet my mom wishes she'd had a clever line like that to use when she kicked me out. It certainly would've been less crazy than her other excuses.

10. Claire needs a good old fashioned slap. Oh, Google, don't hate....just fuck off already.

Well, that was fun.

What I really need (along with other stuff that may or not be written about in another blog) is another vacation, more money, a maid... Bah, I won't get any of that anytime soon, so I guess the best I can hope for is a great weekend. I think I can manage that!

Let's spice up the blogosphere a bit, so take your turn - it's a hoot! Post a comment here or on your own blog so we can all be looky-loos.


LucyinStLou said...

Guess what Lucy needs?
"Lucy needs gossip." (Thank goodness for the Internet!)
"Lucy needs a home" (Nope, okay there unless it's a wine country vacation home.)
"Lucy needs your help." (No comment.)
"Lucy needs tacos." (It worked! It's lunchtime and I do need tacos.)
Great post!

Claire said...

Thank you, thankyouverymuch - Google did all the work, I just responded. I'd say Google's rather creative (& judgmental)! At least it took it easy on you.

Tracey said...

Heh. I did mine on my blog. Apparently, I need to STFU, wear a bra, find an evil twin, stop the madness, and more screen time. That was fun. The perfect lunchtime diversion. Hope your review goes well. I hate those stupid things.

Claire said...

HA! Tracey, yours is hysterical! Of course...

Steve & Stepher said...

Oh, this is fun.

Apparently Google thinks I need

Steph needs someone to CoNfOrT HeR

Ummmmmmmmmm, okay then...

Were you the one who asked me about Mexico a few weeks ago? I couldn't find the comment but I believe you asked or perhaps it was Lucy? In any case, I have answers if you need info!