Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The One, The Last, The Only

I need to say one thing up front - I love my mother. I really do. Very much. Having said that, I need to follow that by saying that the woman is crazier than a shithouse rat.

Some of you have heard various stories about my mom's antics, whether in person or from my former blog. Like how she has no doorknobs in her house, only deadbolts. And how she snuck out the back door when the sheriff showed up to serve my dad with divorce papers (no, she hadn't told him). Or how she's convinced that my supposedly evil cousin from New Mexico allegedly makes it a habit to come to her house just to get into her garage so that he can break in to her deepfreezes (never mind the fact that she lives alone & has more than one - or that nothing's ever missing). Oh, how I could go on...

Why am I bringing this up?

My brother (give me a medal, I didn't call him "my parents' son"!) & his girlfriend/fiancee'/baby mama had a baby yesterday. (Yay....another child born to a historically unhappy, dysfunctional family. It's sad to say, but the extended family isn't thrilled.) They didn't want to find out the sex of the baby because my brother wanted to be "surprised". Whatever...it's either a girl or a boy, & certainly not a pony, so I don't get the mystique. Anyway, since they already had a boy (9 years ago), the consensus was that it would be a girl. Putting aside the obligatory "As long as it's healthy", my mom really wanted a girl.

It's a boy.

Now, if I had to choose, I also wanted a girl so that it would even up the nephew/niece numbers. It's a good thing I didn't really care either way because obviously I wasn't going to get my way on this.

Last night, I called each of my parents to congratulate them on their new grandchild - you know, because it's the right thing to do. Dad was fine, but seemed to be more excited about babysitting for the girls while we're in Mexico. Mom, while not overly enthused like she was 9 years ago, was a different story.

When I heard her voice on the line, it sounded like she'd been sleeping. After lamenting that she didn't get a girl, I soon found out otherwise when she said:

"Iiiii have my guuurl. You. You're my guuurl. You're the one, the last, the only."

Uh oh. Mom was hittin' the sauce.

After listening to her ramble on about how bad her day had been (& aside from the kid, it was pretty bad), I needed to get off the phone. I had my own sauce to hit, & Doug was waiting patiently to hear what was going on. Oh, & to drink the wine we'd picked out. Luckily, Mom was really tired & wanted to go to bed, so getting off the phone was her idea. However, not before she said it one last time...

"Claire, you're the one, the last, the only."

Man, I don't even want to know what that drunken riddle was about, but ok, I'm it, people. Now, don't you forget it.

On to our wine... We picked up a fantastic Malbec at Lukas a few weeks ago for under $15 (we think it was $12.99, but we're not sure) - the 2005 Valle Las Acequias Malbec from the wonderful wine region of Mendoza, Argentina. (Sadly, I can't find a link that's really worthwhile.) If you're one that cares about what Robert Parker thinks, he put this wine on his best buy list, & I agree with him. This 100% Malbec kicks ass - it's dark, lush, smooth, & delicious. I can't wait to get more!

Yeah, the wine was a great way to unwind & reflect on that phone conversation...& as always, Doug is so happy that I'm adopted.

15 comments:

Angie said...

Wow. My mom was a piece of work too. I bet we could share some stories!

Teresa said...

I know I had something to say before the last paragraph, but anytime anyone says Malbec I lose all thoughts and have the immediate urge to go out and buy a bottle.

Ohhhh, Malbec.....swoon...

Claire said...

Angie, I'm sure we could! I do love that woman, but my, my, my...it's always something.

Teresa, a good Malbec is definitely swoonworthy. The prices are generally nothing to sneeze at, either!

Margot Is Your Hero said...

I root for girls because they are easier to shop for - just don't get the boy thing. Anyway, I love the story, and I may have to use that line on my own cousin Claire - she is truly the one the last the only.

And Malbec is fab - it reminds me that I should go get a bottle for the weekend.

Joe Joe said...

Boy, wouldn't everyone been surprised if it WAS a pony -- I loved that line!!

And of course your "it" -- I didn't even know that was open for discussion. :)

mxq said...

oh. my. gawd! HA! what do you say to that? at least she's entertaining!

PS i thought i was the only one who boozed on school nights... :)

Thom said...

I have asked before and I will ask again... are we related? That level of dysfunction can't be coincidence. Oh well, we'll always have Malbec...

Claire said...

Margot, I get gift cards - I'm not shipping gifts to NJ anymore. And yes, Malbec...mmmm.

Joe Joe, I always wanted a pony, so in a way it's too bad that they didn't have one. And thank you for the acknowledgement of the obvious. =)

Pamela, she's almost always entertaining, but sometimes it's way after. You know, "it's funny NOW, but..." (Oh, & nope, you're not the only one.)

Oh, Thom...I WISH we were related! Then I would have someone other than Doug to commiserate with. (I suppose we could just SAY we're related - it's possible.) And ah yes, Malbec...

I'm sensing a theme.

LucyinStLou said...

I think she just meant you're amazingly awesome, right? I'm sticking to that. As for the Malbec, yum. We have an unopened bottle at home. Must rememdy that tonight.

sarah said...

Wow. You should write a book about your mom. It'd sell well.

I get frustrated that it's never a pony...I always wanted a pony, I never wanted a baby...

Em said...

Yep, you're the end of the line - the last woman standing - unless your bro's baby mama decides to try again - the estrogen ends with you, dear.

Same situation in my family.....unless we have the immaculate conception part deux - I'm the last female of my line.

And as for Mom's condition when you called - I have been there too and confess to nodding my head a few times as I read along.

(as for the adopted part - to her credit, I imagine your mom has forgotten the lack of a genetic link).


And of course, now I'm trying to remember if I have any Malbec at the house.....cause you've got me jonesing.

Mo said...

Yes, whenever my family frustrates me, I say thank God that I have none of their genes. haha

That malbec sounds great...and has me thinking about what kind of wine we will be having tonight. ;-)

Rhonda said...

"it's either a girl or a boy, & certainly not a pony, so I don't get the mystique"

Seriously crackin me up over here.

Laura said...

Ha... You are a great storyteller...

Haley C. said...

I'm another one, last & only female of the family, and actually, I think that calls for a toast. I *know* I've got a bottle of some Malbec or other, somewhere...

Here's to US! and to our chosen family members (nodding at Thom, also).